December 2011
21 posts
10 tags
The short and bitter life of Maurice Jondrelle.
1stof Heartfire, 4E 201, morning
Ugh. That stupid priestess gave us another job last night, this time to take her dumb dagger and take some sap from another tree way out in the boonies! God. Dammit. Lydia. This is why you shouldn’t give me the puppy dog eyes. Sven never sucked me into quests I didn’t want to go on.
Even worse, this punk Maurice Jondrelle wants to tag along. And all...
5 tags
Regarding Hagravens, giants, and shit.
31st of Last Seed, 4E 201, evening
I’ve been thinking… you know what I don’t get? these Stormcloaks are all concerned and shit about their freedom or something, and they’re so damned interested in giving the Emperor a black eye and an orcish handshake, but they haven’t even bothered to kill all the giants and Hagravens and shit. Like, helllooo? Get a clue! There are...
November 2011
29 posts
11 tags
Nettlebane, MY bane.
31st of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
Welp, Lydia and I made it back Whiterun. I decided to check out the Temple of Kynareth in town. It was nothing special, just a bunch of moaning gimps and a priestess sobbing on about the rotten tree outside. So stupid.
Then this priestess, Danica Pure-Spring or something, asked if I’d go get her a dagger called Nettlebane. Oh great, here we go again....
5 tags
Oh great, here's a quest I didn't want.
30th of Last Seed, 4E 201, morning
Ugh.
That guy’s journal? Full of woe. Apparently a bunch of old dead guys betrayed each other (stop me if you’ve heard this one before!) and the three sons of some wizard were hunted down across the land. Yeah, and I have a fragment from their dad’s amulet. That’s right one fragment. Out of three.
Goddammit.
There were all sorts of...
6 tags
Frost Trolls. Fuck those guys.
29th of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
So, frankly, I got sick of all of Whiterun’s shit and I decided to get out of town. I locked-up my home, patted Lydia on her fine ass, and said “Let’s go where the road takes us.”
You know where it takes us? TO FROZEN DEPTHS UNFRIENDLY TO MAN.
Lydia and I kept walking further and further northwest, and we went through some kind of...
12 tags
Jarlicide in Whiterun.
28th of Last Seed, 4E 201, evening
These people in Whiterun with their Battle-Born Gray-Mane nonsensical civil spat, they all deserve each other. Today, I had it. I got sick of their bickering and Lorcan Magee decided to do something about it.
I marched right up to Dragonsearch and stood before the Jarl and his stupid dark elf housecarl Irileth and his stupid snooty advisor Proventus Avenicci...
5 tags
Innocence of Youth.
28th of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
After last night’s horrible unspeakable events, I took the day off to wander around Whiterun. It’s a pleasant town. I look forward to ruling it one day. And drinking its blood. I mean, extending its bloodlines with my hearty seed.
As I was gathering lavender for my potions (more on that later) two little snot-nosed milksuckers were having some...
6 tags
OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OHHHHH SHIIIIT!
28th of Last Seed, 4E 201, morning
Look, I know what you’re going to say, but trust me man, I am not a pervert.
Okay. Okay. Calm down. Please valiant reader, mind not the crimson stains upon this parchment.
FUCK ME.
So, last night. The sun was setting and I just got so fucking thirsty, you know? So I go take a lap around Whiterun to cool my head and there’s some stupid cat people...
6 tags
I'm not a magic user or anything, I just like good...
27th of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
Well, I still had a headache all morning, but that didn’t stop me from my new hobbies — alchemy and enchanting. Okay, yeah, I know, that’s froofy elf bullshit. But hey, I’m a manly Nord, and I am also in touch with my feminine side. So shut up or suck it down.
Anyways, first I borrowed the workshop in town and improved all my sweet...
5 tags
Some deep thoughts on a lazy day.
27th of Last Seed, 4E 201, morning
So I woke up this morning, and maybe it was all the questing I did yesterday, but I was durned pooped and the sunlight was just giving me a headache. Even the townspeople all about noticed.
Anyways, I’ve been thinking. My housecarl Lydia, she’s just the best. I mean, how many housecarls go across Skyrim and into a nest of Vapires with you? I mean,...
6 tags
Haemar's Shame, what a waste of time.
26th of Last Seed, 4E 201, evening
So, back when I was trying to get to Valtheim Towers (goddammmit I miss you Sven) I passed some cave called Haemar’s Shame. I didn’t pay no heed to it but someone mentioned some rumor about magic weapons there and I thought “Hell, I could stretch my legs” and made my way back. It was a long ass walk. This took all damn day to make the...
6 tags
Not in my town.
25th of Last Seed, 4E 201, evening
A few days ago these Alik’r bruisers pulled me over and asked if I’d seen a Redguard woman about town. Now, I’m not a racist by any stretch of the imagination, but in a town full of destiny manifested Nordish tribesmen, it’d be a little hard to miss a Redguard hottie like her. Oh man, she was a looker.
The bruisers wanted help...
8 tags
Home sweet home.
25th of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
I finally got enough gold to buy a home. Good ol’ Lydia, she lugged all the weapons we took from bandits, wandering traders, hunters, prisoners, and imperial guards that we killed out in the frigid wilds and we sold the loot off to various people, and then promptly gave most of it to the Jarl’s steward Aventus, who is a goddamned shyster.
So now I...
5 tags
I have no tolerance for perverts.
25th of Last Seed, 4E 201, morning
Okay, I’m starting to feel a little bad about this, but hear me out and tell me what you would have done.
Lydia and I are stalking the night last night, slicing the limbs off bandits unforetold, and we’re crossing a farm when we come across the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen: a jester with a wagon carrying a coffin.
Right. Uh huh. You know...
7 tags
HOLY FUCKING SHIT I AM A DRAGON.
24th of Last Seed, 4E 201, evening
THAT’S RIGHT YOU INGRATES, I AM LORCAN MAGEE, DRAGONBORN AXEMASTER THANE OF WHITERUN AND SAVIOR OF SKYRIM DESCENDED FROM THE NORDISH PEAKS OF YONDER. YOU BETTER GET DOWN ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES AND PRAY I DON’T SPILL THE LIFE FROM YOUR VEINS UNTO THE MUD!
I am SO stoked about this!
You might be wondering why I am so jacked right now, so I’ll...
7 tags
Lessons learned in Whiterun.
24th of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
Alright. So last night I went back to Bleak Falls Barrow, again, and found the dragonstone on that stupid lich draugr thingy. Why didn’t I notice it the first time? I have no idea, but you know what else he also had that I seemed to have missed?! AN ANCIENT NORD BATTLE AXE OF FROST. Hells fucking yes, thank you mister draugr. I’ll be taking that...
9 tags
Things in Riverwood have changed.
23rd of Last Seed, 4E 201, evening
So I travel through the evening and sneak into Riverwood under the cover of darkness. I figure Sven’s house is mine for the taking. Hilde is home. I creep in her house and she’s sitting there. The cranky old hag has the gall to ask me what happened to Sven. I answer her… with my axe.
And then come the Whiterun guards for much to my...
7 tags
Worst. Day. Ever.
23rd of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
Goddammit. Ever since Sven fell to his death it’s like nothing can ever go right for me. The Curse of Sven, that’s probably what this is all about.
Okay, first, I get to Whiterun and, hey, there’s a horse for me. So I get on the horse and then some wolves come barreling down the hill. Just great. They eat half my horse before I can even...
6 tags
Life without Sven.
22nd of Last Seed, 4E 201, morning
Oof. I am durned whooped. I have all this shit to carry — like, probably twenty books, plus my weapons and armor, and now I can barely run. It sure was nice when I had Sven around to share my load. Godammit.
You might wonder what a badass Nordish axemaster like me is doing with probably twenty books. Well I’ll tell you: despite what you think you...
6 tags
R.I.P. Sven
21st of Last Seed, 4E 201, evening
R.I.P. Sven. Fell to his death whilst battling bandits at Valtheim Towers on the 21st of Last Seed, 4E 201. A jealous lover, but a loyal soldier.
I really have got to be more careful with my shield bashing when I’m fighting on a bridge, especially when I have followers nearby.
Oh well. He was going to get himself killed eventually anyway. And now that...
6 tags
Goddammit Sven!
21st of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
Would you fucking believe it! Valtheim Towers isn’t even on the mountains! I got really mad at Sven and told him he needs to look at the map a lot more carefully. It’s a dangerous world out here in Skyrim and he could have gotten us killed.
So now we’re crossing over some flatter terrain. We passed through Ivarstead and all the people...
5 tags
Imperials on the mountain side.
21st of Last Seed, 4E 201, mid-day
Well, things with Sven have been going just great. He’s great at killing foxes and rabbits, and I think one of these days he’ll actually run down an elk like I keep asking him to. And he’s really getting the hang of battle tactics. It’s a good thing he has an axemaster with him to show him the ropes.
Earlier this morning, we were...
3 tags
Conversation under the stars.
20th of Last Seed, 4E 201, midnight
So we’re going to sleep under the stars, and I’m just about dozed off when Sven looks up at the aurora borealis, pauses all dramatic like, and then says alchemy isn’t magic, it’s science. What an goddamned asshole.
4 tags
Bandits on the bluff.
20th of Last Seed, 4E 201, evening
Today I taught Sven how to kill. We found a couple of shitbird bandits and did ‘em like we do. Sven didn’t like it much, I don’t think, but the ol’ boyo perked up when I told him he could keep whatever inferior loot we found that I have no use for. He’s so cute with that leather helmet. Like a little toy mercenary.
I regret to...
5 tags
A labor of love.
20th of Last Seed, 4E 201, morning
Remember that smokin’ hot broad I was telling you about? Yeah, her name is Camille. Well get this. She has two, count ‘em, two boyfriends. What a fucking slut!
One of them is some froofy elf arrow bitch. The other is this musician guy. Chicks always dig the musicians, eh? Well check it: the little prick forged a letter to look like the elf wanted...
9 tags
Bleak Falls Barrow. What a pain in the ass.
19th of Last Seed, 4E 201
So, Riverwood has a dinky little shop run by this guy Lucan. His daughter is smokin’, by the way. Lucan has had a bandit problem (you and the rest of Skyrim, shitfish!) and he asked me to go get his golden claw thingy from the bandits, who have taken it to Bleak Falls Barrow. Why the fuck would bandits want to hole-up with a tomb of waking dead?! Gah!
ANYWAYS, so I go...
6 tags
Mr. Smithy Goes to Riverwood
18th of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
Riverwood ain’t bad. It’s got an inn, a shop, and this hilarious dog named Stump. He’s always barking and floppin’ his ears. That’s good ol’ Stump for ya. Hilarious.
The smithy is this guy named Alvor. He had the nerve to ask me to work for him. But you gotta do something. So he gave me some iron ingots and asked me to...
4 tags
Let me tell you about myself.
17th of Last Seed, 4E 201, afternoon
If you’re reading this, you’d probably like to know a little about me. I know I would. So I’m gonna tell ya.
My name is Lorcan Magee. My dad picked that one out of the Tome of Nordish Names and Titles of Stature. “Lorcan” means “brave warrior” and my surname, “Magee,” means “son of fire”. So...
5 tags
Bye bye bondage, hello Skyrim!
17th of Last Seed, 4E 201, morning
HOLY SHIT. I was a skeever’s tail away from having my gulliver lopped off when A FUCKING DRAGON SWOOPED DOWN AND RAVAGED HELGEN. Man oh man, suck it down, imperials!
After escaping with some rebel choad named Ralof, I emerged in a beautiful wilderness. I am eating butterflies right now. They make me feel good. Ralof said his sister lives in a hamlet called...
